...don't feel sorry for me

so...

alot of you are just now finding out what's been going on in my life for the past 2 months. actually the past 8 months.

if your just now finding out, obviously you never made the effort to stay in touch with me, or with other people who DO stay in touch with me. your JUST now finding out for a REASON. like i said...it's been going on for some time now, and those people who were important enough in my life for me to tell....i told.

don't feel sorry for me. it's actually a good thing in the long run.

don't feel like now's the time you should pick up the phone to connect me or message me...to see "what's up?"

i haven't asked anyone to throw a pity party for me, or anything like that. yeah it's nice to have friends to hang out with & visit them & them visit me...but don't start doing all those sweet & thoughtful things NOW that you've FINALLY found out what's going on in my life. if you REALLY cared & wanted to be apart of my life, you would've been long before now. don't feel like you have to go out of your way to "be there" for me. you weren't there before...so why now?

i'm sure there's alot of rumors going around out there too. so..watch what you say, and don't always believe what you hear. the ones that know me and TALK to me daily or weekly are the ones that know the truth. if it's coming from someone other than them, it's either been made more dramatic than it is, or just totally not true.

don't expect me to spill my heart to you or "lean" on you when you have just now popped up in my life again. again...if you really cared you would have been there BEFORE all this happened.

and...if you don't know how to spell my sons name...then you REALLY don't know me...or my son shouldn't really bother to "be there" for me right now.

again...don't feel sorry for me. the most you can do is to keep me & my family in your prayers, not gossip about me behind my back, OR spread rumors around that AREN'T true.

of course I still consider you my "friends" but not so much my "good friends". good friends would have known about it RIGHT after it all happened. i wish i could call you my good friends but just from certain circumstances my life didn't allow me to have that.

all in all...i don't want you to feel sorry for me. yes, it's not the ideal situation & i never thought this is what my life would hold, but in the long run it's what's best for me and my family & hopefully one day i will look back & be able to say that all the hurt & pain was all worth it. i can already say that i'm so proud of myself. i hadn't thought about myself for the past 12 months...but i now knows that it's okay to think about yourself once & a while, even when you're a mother.

this might have come across as rude, but i had to get it out. and i did. and it's my blog. if you have a problem with it that you would like to further discuss you can shoot me a message.

90th Post!

Pregnancy...

The books forget to tell you what pregnancy REALLY does to your body. Things you don't find out till your baby is 5 months old.

I had to wear heels today for the first time since last fall/winter...and does one pair fit? No...they are all TOO TOO small. I had big feet anyways...but MAN OH MAN! I'd like to think I get new shoes every year, but then again, I will still wear shoes from the previous years that are still in good shape. Especially the ones that don't go out to style. So...it has taken me SO long to accumulate my shoe collection over the years. Finding JUST the right pair in JUST the right color for JUST the right price...right?

So..here I am. Having to start over. From SCRATCH. Luckily flip flops are cheap. But heels, NOT so much.

My feet were already big (9.5) and I had to buy a pair of 10s the other day. I thought it was just the brand. Obviously not.

My mom said her feet grew a half a size with EACH pregnancy! That would just mean my shoe collection would have to RESTART! HA!

Pregnancy was fun at times...and I look back & think I took it for granted, because there are so many woman out there that would give their own life to be pregnant & just get to experience that feeling, but I did not LOOOOOVE it like some woman do. Yes...I loved feeling Ryder kick and roll around and punch me, and throw his lil fits....& hear his heart beat, & know that I was supporting him, and that HE GREW inside of ME...I provided him with EVERYTHING that he needed to develop into the perfect little baby he is today. I would not take it back for anything, but it just changes your body in MORE ways than you know!

my lil PUNKIN'!

We had a GOOD day today! & this little one just keeps me laughing, and ON MY TOES! & I'm afraid it's only gonna get worse! ECCCKK! :O

We went & had lunch with a friend who is expecting a little girl, Sterling, in July. We had a good visit about all things pregnancy & baby! =) As well as some good food!--FUJI...can't go wrong there! Ryder was a bit fussy during lunch, and when I held him he just grabbed EVERYTHING on the table! Then I'd put him back in his seat to eat a few bits and he would fuss...this sweet lady that was sitting at our habachi table with us offered to hold him so I could eat! Ryder loved her! That had fun!

I had a test tonight in my night class & hadn't got much studying in, so I was thankful that Ryder came home & laid down so I could study! I think I did pretty good on it too...lets just HOPE!

Alot of Ryder's long sleeve outfits are starting to be too small...& I don't see a need in buying NEW ones when it's really about to be spring! I keep pants on him still...but we're having to move up a size in shirts. This shirt is 9 months...Polo runs small though I think compared to the tag. He looks even chunkier today!

This is his new thing when he is happy/impressed with himself/acting bashful..he scrunches up his face & tilts his chin down, all while bringing his hands together! I just happened to catch it this morning!

So I leave the room to make him a bottle & next thing I know I hear paper crunching. I had left him 2-3 feet away from my text book on his STOMACH when I left...and this is what I walked in to find!

Something about the noise intrigues him!

I'll know next time to take the book with me!

I was putting diapers in the baskets underneath his changing table and he kept looking @ me and grinning through the crib! SO PRECIOUS!

I just LOVE that little boy!

Too Much!

TOO MUCH STUFF...I AM WAY BEHIND ON!

This was Valentine's week. Testing our our "Rock My Valentine" shirt & lil Wallabies KeeKee got us for Christmas! He is such a HOOT!

Miniature Wallabies just like Uncle G & Pops!

With Mommy after class!

Tummy time!

We can sit up on our own now! I have been forgetting to mention that!

I forgot to mention that Auntie Pooh stopped by last Friday to see us on her way home! It was so good to see her, and Ryder took to her GREAT just like every other little kid!

Naynee & all her kids came to visit Friday night as well. We went out to eat, and just had a good visit with everybody!

Punkin' sittin up in his crib playing with a toy light up & noisy toy I just hung in his crib. He falls asleep to it alot of nights.

The weather was so nice one day, we loaded up in the stroller & went walking a/r the neighborhood!

We love mommy!

TJ Maxx & Target with mommy one day after class!

Saturday we met Allison downtown @ Cross Creek Sandwich shop for some GOOOOOD food! Ryder was into EVERYTHING on the table! We could not keep things away from him!

With Ms. Allison!

He even did a lil iPhone texting to her friend...

Then Aunt Dell stopped by the house on her way out of town to see lil man & how much he's grown! We were SO glad to see her!

Yesterday was KeeKee's birthday, so went out to eat for that last night!

With Mommy!

Getting into Pop's sweet tea...just like everything else!

He is just TOO much...and surprising STRONG!

He wanted his own Krispy Kreme doughnut! Ha!

After getting ready for church Sunday morning, we ended up not going because he had a little cough that sounded worse than it did yesterday, and when it was pouring down rain, I figured he shouldn't be taken out in it, much less go to the nursery & he would just be fussy all through church. So...

Little Punkin' watching the rain!

My lil CHUNK!

Ramblings...

-I have tests in ALL three of my classes this week.

-One Tuesday & two on Friday.

-Ryder isn't the only one teething. My second wisdom tooth is making more of an appearance than it already is, and it actually hurts this time.

-My tailbone is hurting...lil man bruised it for life while gracing the world with his presence.

-I should be studying for my Ed. Pro test tomorrow, but I consider this a break.

-It was colder today than I have ever remembered!

-Lil man hardly took ONE nap today...just 2 2o minute-ers.

-I think Punkin' thought my legs were ghosts earlier tonight b/c their so white...he jumped & screamed, and then cried!

-Which means....I must get a spray tan SOON since I don't have time to tan.

-I have gone almost 2 weeks without Shredding. Once again, disappointed in myself.

-I want & NEED to order a blog makeover soon, but am not sure what to call it...

-I haven't got to watch as much as the olympics as I wanted to.

-Mom just watched the Bachelor from tonight, but I'm being a good student & "studying".

-I just finished last week's Private Practice today while feeding lil man.

-I have lost my iPod & everyone at my house just got new ones. :/ I feel just a bit left out.

-Yes, I have blogged twice in one day! WAHOO!

-Mom & Dad have been discussing our trip to Florida this summer. I'm ready. I'm ready to take my Punkin' and introduce him to the ocean.

-I feel like I may never get done with school.

-My goal is to graduate by May of 2014.

-I'll turn 25 that July.

-Ryder will turn 5 that September.

-UCA is so different from Ouachita. DUH. I won't even start to go into that.

Our Weekend...

We just LOVE Photo Booth!

We had a pretty chill weekend. Saturday was a pretty long day. Punkin' is just so fussy and has a temper now that his teeth are trying to come in! I got away Saturday night while mom watched him and enjoyed a nice dinner w/ Mama D, Coach Mac & McKenzie and even did a lil shopping afterwards!

Sunday was a pretty chill day...church then some homemade lasagna, salad, bread & sweet tea! We all exchanged Valentine's presents, and I have to order mine online! I'm gonna get a mom necklace off of Etsy...just need to find the one I want! Mom has one of me, Garrett & Ryder and it is just TOO cute! I got some beautiful white & red roses from Jake & Ryder which I really thought was sweet! Mom & I did a little shopping and then back home for home group. I have 3 tests this week...and they are all my firsts in each class, & those are ALWAYS the worst! It's hard for me to find time to study....but I'm gonna have to this week! I guess I just won't be getting as much sleep as usual! Ha! Here some fun pics of me and Punkin' earlier today! I love this little outfit, and he's only worn it once before, and it's about to small! He screams when I try to squeeze him in it! Ha!

My fav...I wish it was normal though!

MOUTH KISS! He LOVES his momma!

....Random Thursday

It has been a pretty rough day around here. Someone's gums are nice and bumpy & has been a HANDFUL all day long, not wanting to sleep, lay down on my chest...or ANYTHING else. We had one solid nap today & that wasn't till 2 o'clock. I went and got him some teething tablets that you put under their tongue and they automatically dissolve. We'll try them in the morning! He was asleep by the time I got back with them from the store!

I'm a bit sad and disappointed in myself that I didn't breast feed longer than I did. The last time I did it, I didn't know it was going to be the last time. I wish I would have soaked it all in and enjoyed it. That was always a special time for me and Ryder, cause it was OUR time, and no one else could take that from us. Even though I DO miss it, I DON'T miss nursing bras or nursing pads and am glad to be back in my old bras!

Tomorrow will be my first day back to school in OVER a week! I'm ready...but dang! Ha! I'm supposed to have THREE (yes, one in each class I'm taking!) tests next week, but we'll see if I'm still going to. Sure would be nice if they could spread them out a little bit!

I have a problem with seeing things "On Sale" and am like "Ahhhh!" I look at the sale price and am like "Oh--Sweet!" Then I think to myself that I HAVE to get it, cause its "ON SALE!" Not really looking at the original price...which is sometimes only 2 dollars higher. I get so caught up in it being "on sale!" I don't really realize that it's NOT that big a sale! I have to SPEND money to SAVE money! My mom used to always say..."Well I made us save $30.00" & he says "Well, how much did you have to spend to save 30?" I'm going to try and start to do better. Target is my weakness on this subject!

Ryder's Snow Day!

Ryder's Snowman that Uncle G & Hannah made for him!

It was SO deep! Ha!

With Mommy!

He didn't even weight enough to make the snow sink down!

My SWEET boy!

5 Months Old!

I finally got a smile out of my lil Punkin'

I couldn't get one while laying on his back though!

5 Months old...What have you NOT been up to!?!

-You are eating rice GREAT!

-Started mixing veggies with your rice and have loved carrots, squash and sweet potatoes so far, but not green beans!

-We have officially put the Bumbo away...you were leaning WAY too far out of it!

-We pulled out the heavy duty high for the first time this week!

-Starting to wake up a/r 630 sometimes, cause that what time mommy wakes you up when she has class..

-You love sleeping on my chest, & I don't want it to become a habit, but I know one day I won't be able to do it any more, so I let you!

-You know what "No No" means. We say it to you when you put your thumb in your mouth, and try to scratch down peoples faces!

-Not really feeling your bouncy seat any more...too boring I guess.

-Still doing great during bathtime!

-Last time I weighed you you weighed 15 pounds! & I can tell you are getting SO heavy!

-You definitely have those Patterson theighs!

-Still in 1 diapers, but will move up when we run out

-Growing out of the 3 months clothes & even wearing some 6 months now!

-Most of the time your getting some rice and veggies & 4 oz. 3-4 times a day

-You have had your FIRST & SECOND snow storm!

-We took you into the Church Nursery for the first time!

-You are staying with Ms. Lynn 2 days a week for 2 hrs. while Mommy has class

-You love dogs! Especially Trixi!

-You are grabbing EVERYTHING in your sight!

-You kick your feet NON STOP!

-You can bouncy so big and LOUD in your exer-saucer!

-You enjoy your Johnny Jump-Up....for a/b 5 minutes! Ha!

-You don't mind your carseat any more.

-Can lift yourself up on your arms & knees and just rock back in forth with your head down!

You had to be uncomfortable!

Eating sweet potatoes this morning!

"Hurry Up Mom!"

You are so happy in your Exer-Saucer!

My sweet boy!

In your lil robe and booties after your bath!

Sweet Sweet Boy!

KeeKee & Pops got back from their cruise on Friday night and Punkin' wasn't awake for them to see him, or him to see them! They were all glad to reunite Saturday morning! I came down with a sore throat come Saturday morning, and when I say sore throat....I KNOW it's gonna eventually get bad for me, so I had to go into a Saturday clinic to get sean. I told them they were gonna test me for Strep Throat (Strep A) and it would come up negative b/c I have Strep F...like ALWAYS! And what do ya know...it was Strep A this time! I was actually kinda happy, but I still think it might be F after the way I have felt the last few days. So I was contagious for 24 hours, so that cancelled my plans to go to Arkadelphia for the Miss OBU pageant. We stayed here Sunday morning...and just prepared for the week ahead!

Little did we know a SNOW STORM was going to come through during the night! I was up getting around around 6:15 and my mom came & told me her school was out for the snow, so she was pretty sure mine would be out too...and it WAAAAS!! Uncle G built Ryder a snow man and of course we took pics (but there on another camera... :/). It wasn't 2 o'clock and they closed the public schools again as well UCA. I only had a night class tonight, and was kinda sad that I had to miss it!

School was cancelled yet AGAIN for Wednesday! UCA is delayed till 10...and I have 8 and 9 o'clock classes...so once again...NO CLASS for me! My classes & syllabi are going to be SOOO messed up! Ha!

We did get out of the house a little bit for Happy Hour today and to see Mama D & Coach Mac! I made Taco Soup for dinner and it was perfect! We'll see what tomorrow holds! It's been fun being at home with everybody, but I am ready to get out and do something, and have a normal ROUTINE!